The Living Room Theory (or... How to deal with Assholes)

Possibly as a result of JohhnyStalker as well as new Vox members such as the inimitable ken I have been giving some thought to how different people police the comments and visitors they receive on their blogs.

With a few notable exceptions like Patricia most of us Voxians have (intentionally or not) got a pretty small readership so it's probable you are not exactly drowning in comments, nevertheless, on the off-chance that your latest post about your adorable little puppy puking on your best friend's carpet after eating her pet tortoise makes the 9 o'clock news and you become an overnight sensation, it's good to have an idea of how to handle all the weirdos that will populate your blog.

Or in my case, possibly due to my acquiescing nature and non-confrontational style, if it's say... Tuesday.

A popular theory on policing comments is the Living Room Theory. Probably invented by some new age Generation Xer this revolves around the idea that one's blog is akin to one's living room and you would eject/blackball/delete anyone who behaved in a way you would not find acceptable in your own living room. This has all the hallmarks of a generation X scheme to my mind. It sounds good. It looks politically democratic and non-offensive and it supposedly gives one that cozy warm feeling of familiarity, inspiring visions of a happy family gathering.

This is your first clue of course that the user of this philosophy indulges in heavy use of class A drugs. Life is just not like that. That warm feeling is the very fleeting sensation you have when stepping in dogshit barefoot in your living room white shag carpet, just a microsecond before the screaming and hairpulling from your siblings starts and uncle Bob tries to molest the younger cousins while Aunt Mary shits herself in a drunken stupor.

Clearly, the wild outdoors is infinitely preferable.

So let me make perfectly clear a few things as to how I police my blog and why the Living Room Theory is only good ...in Theory.

Firstly

I most certainly would not let certain people into my living room at all. Mostly because their abuse of alcohol, lack of basic hygene/social skills as extrapolated from their level of reading comprehension/writing would probably mean they would show up with piss stains on their shirts, trip over themselves at the threshold of my home, falling into the hall puking which would then bring on an epileptic fit accompanied by explosive diarrhea. And that's before they joined the party. I wouldn't want that in my home. But online, it's funny to watch and can be educational to others.

And that's the point. under their veneer of respecatbility and social sensitivity, the Living Room Theorists say they do not tollerate rude/obnoxious behaviour because it's "disruptive" and "negative" and there is enough negativity already on the planet...blah, blah, hug trees etc. The reality is they are cowardly and afraid of doing some real good.

The only thing that is going to get that inbred moron to possibly re-consider his life-long stance on say for argument's sake his take on the colour of people's skins and how it relates to IQ is NOT moddy-coddling to his racist life-views. What it will be is when what he considers to be "just a nigger" verbally and logically and clearly kicks his stupid ass all over their blog with well-thought out replies that are out of the redneck's intellectual grasp. Yes I KNOW that no good of it usually comes there and then on THAT blog. But the redneck will think twice before posting again his stupidity for all to see (on some other site or blog in the near future) and in time, his views will slowly warp and then change a bit. Because exposure to LOTS of interactions naturally results in more flexibility. Some of course do not learn (too stupid) and so they become trolls, which can be safely ignored and blocked, thus becoming truly excluded from active participation and one hopes also reproduction in the wider world.  

Points learnt:

1. Making clever fun of morons is educational for others as well as the moron, as well as sometimes being entertaining, which as we know from the results of our poll earlier this month is what most people read blogs for. So in the spirit of the Ancient Romans, feed some stupid people to lions and let your populace be entertained. Hopefully unlike the Romans (at the end of their Empire) you will also understand that the entertainment has to be educational. 

2. There is no carpet to wash up on a blog

3. "Negativity" exists in the world. Stop being such a little bitch and whining about it, or conversely, become so obsessed with anger/sadness/bitching that you are consumed with it and unable to be positive and productive and happy FOR YOURSELF FIRST. This means learning to punch back, not in anger nor in fear, but just as self-defence or as instruction. Read up on the Spartans, it can only do you some good.

4. Do not try to pass off your lazyness and disinterest in your fellow humans' evolution for courageous right-bearing, white-knight behaviour. In fact, take it almost as a given that if you pretend to do that shit, the only other people that will "accept" your "white knight" behaviour will be other fakey posers like yourself or the gullible. Another real white knight (whose armour will tend to be grey with dirt, blood-spattered, dented and less cumbersome to carry than yours metaphorically speaking) is far more likley to throw a javelin or ten in your general direction to see if you can actually shut your mouth and use your shield and spear properly instead of just spout off verbiage loaded with big words you have not earned the right to really use, or if instead, as is more likely, you'll get speared like a trout.

Secondly

It goes by implication of this Living Room Theory, that you behave differently in your lounge than you do in the street. Again to me this smacks of far less than acceptable honourable behaviour. I am not talking about sitting on your couch watching TV naked while you occassionally scratching your balls, or even taking the girlfriend roughly against the drinks cabinet. No, I mean that you have a different standard for what you accept as an insult or a challenge from someone outside your home or someone inside your home.

Quite frankly, if anything, I am more likely to accept more abuse from someone already in my home than a total stranger outside of it. Why on Earth would I hold myself to a lower standard outside of my home? It makes no sense. Unless of course you are somewhat challenged in the spinal column department again.

Points Learned: Dont be a wussy. In the home, out of the home, my lounge, my kitchen, the park, or a gathering for high tea with the Queen. It should be all more the same than different. Homework: Read the poem IF by Rudyard Kipling.

Thirdly

Does this mean you should take on every challenge, reply to every dimwit or troll? Of course not. It's your blog. It is NOT a democracy. Read that again. It is NOT a democracy. Nor should it it be, but even more importantly, nor CAN it be. Or ever WILL be. "Democracy" is nothing more than mob rule. Any of you that are having some idealistic view that it is the most just system are clearly brainwashed by your owners. And have never been face to face with a real mob.

The majority is (to paraphrase Hobbes I think) brutish, stupid and often not short but hairy and violent to boot.

So stop pretending that you want to be "fair" and "democratic" to everyone. You do not. You do not like people telling you your views are shit and argue them on their merits. You instead kick them out because they "offend" you. Or shine a light in your face and reveal you too at times. So ban them, delete them, castigate them, but please. Spare us from trying to make us believe you are doing it for "democratic" priciples. You are a tyrant and you kill your peasants on a whim. Admit it.

Point Learnt: Embrace your dark side. Vader was not so bad after all.

I hope that clears it up ladies and gentlemen.

Comments are wide open! Let loose in there now...