A sick little story

So after a bout of porn star sex, Redhead Girl comments along the lines of being addicted to this kind of body connection between us...which naturally leads her I suppose to ask me about the effect which happens in dogs when they have sex which makes them remain attached.

I am of course assuming here the thought process went along the lines of "I love you so much I wish you were in me all the time" or possibly "wow, we do this so much we are practically glued together" instead of "you remind me of a horny dog", but I digress.

I explain my basic understanding of this (see link above if you must) and as she asks a couple more questions about it to do with dog-dick-size expansion mostly, I am reminded of a story my friend Paolo told me.

Now it may be urban legend or not, I don't know, Paolo sure wouldn't be above making it up, but he swore it was a true story that was reported in the news and happened in a town in Italy he told me of.

Anyway the story goes that this woman, possibly lonely, certainly more than a little twisted, had her Alsatian mount her. But apparently being done by a dog wasn't kinky enough, so she apparently opted for anal-dog-sex. Supposedly when the doggie had done his doggie style, his dog-dick did the usual dog-dick thing and balooned to grapefruit size, or possibly large melon size, whatever.

Now because he was still in the woman's butt, and past the spinchter he most certainly got stuck. So much so that the woman eventually called the fire department who supposedly came to get her complete with ambulance to free her of her ordeal by dog-cock.

Unlike most couples who perhaps just have perfuntiory sex followed by sleep, Redhead Girl and I understand the subtle art of post love-making romantic conversation and it was at this point that I faithfully report our sensitive and poetic discussion.

me: What I don't get is...why did she call the firemen.

Redhead Girl: Yes I mean what are they going to do anyway? Throw water on her? And why does that work? Does it work?

me: I really don't know, I think it just maybe scares the dogs into forcing themselves apart cause they don't like cold water. Maybe wouldn't be the most painless way to go.... but besidesthat; say you decided ass-sex with a dog was your thing for this Friday night or whatever and the dog gets stuck in your ass...what the hell..wouldn't you just wait until it eventually deflates again instead of calling News of the World and the fire department? What kind of important appointment have you really got that can't wait say 10 minutes or 20 or you know a week say if it comes to that!

Redhead Girl: Ahhahahah yeah, it's kind of sick...but a dog...can you imagine...a dog's dick stuck up your ass...ewww...

me: Hahhahah yeah, it's pretty fucked up really...

Redhead Girl: It's sick, sick, a dog's cock...in your butt...swollen....ewww...

me: Yeah it is sick, some pretty twisted people out there...

Redhead Girl: Yeah, it's really gross, sick, ewww....twisted a dog...sick, sick sick...ewww.....why a dog?? Ewwww.... I mean...if at least it was a horse.

me: (double-take) ...

Redhead Girl: (with evil little smile)... I mean...at least a horse has a good size from the beginning right?

So much for me worrying about her worrying about the psychological impact of having ass-sex with a human on the poor dog I guess.